Slime - Effu-Kun

[Effu-Kun]

[color=red][b]Hmmm, well I have to say I think this is a MASSIVE improvement on the last non-rhyming poem I wrote, but that being said, I still think it is shite :dripping:

So once again, constructive criticism PLEASE! I need help...[/b]
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[size=18][u]Slime[/u][/size]

Castle walls
Cold
Calm
Dripping with the slime of fear

Seeping into the brick
Pain
Putrid
Pulling from me my everything

Slick, slipping
Curling
Caressing
Moving down beneath my clothes

The cold breeds
Fear
Fire
The flickering casting my gaze

My anger ebbs slow
Soft
Swift
Chains adorning my wrists with shine

I am prince of the dungeon!
King of the lair!
My hair is oily and slick

I am dunce of the pulpit!
Choir of the slaves!
My voice is broken and cracked

And yet the slime seeps
Crawling across my skin
Down my chest
Can you feel it?
Slime casting its mark in bone

Slipping, slipping
Why does it feel so cold?

Slick, slick
It brings with it the tingle of death

Slime, slime,
Seeping, slipping
Curling, caressing

Crawling
Why is it crawling?
Can it not see I am a prince?
A king?
A dunce?
A choir?

Creeping, slipping closer
The slime doesn’t care who I am
I do not care for its moist caress

Its wet kiss is at my lips
Now I do not care how it moves
It is soft, it is gentle
Watery, tickling,
It pushes forward and I give

No, it is an invader!
The slime will steal my soul!

Why then is it gentle?
Slipping down my throat sensually
Sliding my clothes from my frame

Slick, slick
Soft touch at my thighs

It casts with it a bitter green light
Pressing forward I give yet again
And it is inside me
Pressing
Caressing
The castle walls are no longer cold

My cell is clear as my body jerks
Riding the waves of pleasure
Bucking
Twisting
Curling
Its essence is my soul

I am the slave of pleasure
The beast of glory
My skin is vibrant and clear

I am whore to Babylon
The scythe to death
My muscles are strong and sure

Slick, slick
The slime is a power of its own

I move it wills
I stand and it swirls with pleasure

Castle walls
Warm
Whispering
My lust shall not go unsated

Seeping into the brick
Desire
Danger
My will they shall not go unpunished

Slick, slipping
Heat
Hate
My body is oiled and golden

The cold breeds
Slime
Safe
A world of pain awaits my command

My anger ripples slow
Burning
Breaking
I will bring death to their halls

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[color=red][b][size=24]...[/size]

Ummmm....so yeah...

I have no idea what part of my sick and twisted mind this idea sprang from...but whatever, I'll roll with it :hahaha: [/b][/color]

[Sesshy'sGirlLOL01]

I actually liked this, it was pretty cool in that weird sort of way ^^;

[Effu-Kun]

[b][color=red]Wow, I went back and read this today, and I have to say, going back to it with new eyes, I think I actually seriously like it. I now wish I'd given it in to one of my teachers at college, I think even though it's a little creepy and sexual, that I managed to convey those kind of senses, like the cold and fear, the scared arousal and violent anger. And let's face it, I set out with the sole purpose of making it creepy

I wish I could write like this all of the time, but I'm afraid the mechanics of non-rhyming poetry completely escape me T.T[/color][/b]